This is an excellent question. Counseling is not like going to your medical doctor, for example, where something is ‘done’ to you, to make you better and the doctor is the expert.

Rather, it is very much a collaborative, or two-way, relationship between you and me. Both of us have an active part to play.

Some of the ways which can help you to benefit most from counseling include:

• Opening up and being as honest as possible. Obviously this can take time and you need to go at a pace that feels comfortable for you

• Having patience. Counseling is a process. Just as your present challenges may have taken some time to develop, likewise, it can take time to explore them and work out what you can do to make things better

• Realistic expectations. For some people, counseling can be life changing. For others, the outcomes are more modest and for some, there can be disappointment at what they achieve. However, research indicates that four out of five people feel better as a result of engaging in counseling and that the benefits tend to last after counseling ends

• Commitment and attendance. It goes without saying that attending regularly and making time, in your life, for counseling are important

• Motivation. You really must want to come for counseling. It rarely works if someone is “sent” by someone else or comes in order to please someone else. However, motivation can come and go, and being realistic, your motivation levels may not be the same throughout the time you come for counseling. There may be times when you just cannot be bothered attending or are worried that you can’t think of anything to talk about. However, persevering, when nothing seems to be happening, can be very worthwhile, in the long term.